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October/November, 2007 Newsletter Welcome The memories of these events aren’t lost, but they can and do get buried in the harried pace of life. In this months article, we look at how our brains “generalize, delete, and distort” information. It’s part of our meaning-making human mechanism and is different from “just being forgetful.” And, like many things, it all begins when we are very young. All Good Wishes to You, Making Sense of the World with Generalization, Deletion and Distortion In broadest terms, these filters can, and do, serve us very well. For example, generalization allows us to see a Great Dane and a Chihuahua and recognize both animals as “dog.” Most of my growing up years were spent in a house that backed up to the freeway. My dad’s way of coping was to distort the constant din of traffic so that he was reminded of the ocean. That served him well, because he loved to work in the yard. I learned to delete enough of the noise so I wasn’t too bothered by it. It’s not surprising that our belief system is influenced by what we generalize, delete and distort. One of the ways beliefs are formed is when we experience an event that leads us to make a decision about ourself and who we are in the world. These decisions are made from the time we are very young. And while it was the best decision that little person could make at the time, an adult would likely decide differently. To illustrate how this can all work together, imagine a four year old boy who has just finished a drawing he is very proud of. He runs to the kitchen where his mother is preparing dinner. “Look Mama!” He cries, waving the piece of brightly colored paper excitedly, grinning from ear to ear. His mother glances at the drawing, and with a distracted grin, says, “Oh, that’s nice,” and goes back to preparing dinner, a frown on her face. He is hurt and confused by his mother’s reaction and feels her stress. He distorts the information to mean that he did something to cause his mother’s unhappiness. If he were better, he decides, he could have made her happy. At that point, he makes an unconscious decision that he’s not good enough. In his mother’s reality, her distraction had nothing to do with how much she loved him or how good a person he was. But for the four year old, that information is deleted. That early interaction generalizes through his set of filters and becomes a cluster of beliefs about himself and who he is in the world. As an adult, he lives life as if neither himself nor what he does matter. He doesn’t hear compliments. His career doesn’t advance. His relationships tend to be with women who ignore him in some way. Those that don’t ignore him, he finds something wrong and ends the relationship. The decision that was made when he was four has locked in place a set of filters that continue to create unwanted patterns in his life as an adult. For anyone, the way to shift unwanted patterns is to find and revise the set of beliefs that locked the filters into place. The NLP tool box does this change work beautifully, shifting belief systems in an elegant and respectful way. I invite you to discover for yourself that shift can, and does, happen. It’s never too late to have the life you desire. Book Review Family Constellation Events For more information, contact 206-417-4541 or info@karapomeroynlp.com. You can also read the article about family constellations in the February 2007 newsletter at: www.karapomeroynlp.com/newsletter_feb2007.htm Also in January, 2008, Life Re-Solutions will offer another Constellation Series class. These are made up of three classes that focus around a certain topic. In the past, themes have included Inner Perpetrator/Inner Victim, Give and Take, Guilt and Innocence. These have been very powerful classes for everyone who has attended. More Classes at Life Re-Solutions Starting Soon! An Opportunity This is where I could use your help. If you know someone who would be willing to spend 1-2 hours having their face read by me in a practice session, please let me know: 206-417-4541 or info@karapomeroynlp.com. Thank you! Comments Disclaimer Please feel free to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter with people you know who would be interested in the content. When doing so, please forward it in its entirety, including my contact and copyright information. If any other use is desired, permission in writing from Kara Pomeroy is required. Thank you for spreading the word. Copyright © 2007. Kara Pomeroy NLP. All rights reserved. Welcome | About NLP | About Family Systems | About Family Constellations | About Me Serving the Seattle area Registered Counselor #RC00052079
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In Loving Memory