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August/September 2007 newsletter Welcome I celebrated a birthday recently and when I received cards, especially the one that arrived on the day of my birthday from my sister who was on vacation that week, I felt very cared for. It reminded me again of how much I love receiving cards. For me, it shows that someone cares enough to think of me, take the time to get a card, write a note and either mail it off or give it to me in person. In my map of the world, cards equal caring. Which is one of the reasons why I love to GIVE cards. This month’s article looks at Complex Equivalents (CEqs) through another example of CEqs in action and suggests some ways to define what your CEqs are. All Good Wishes To You, CEqs - a Mini Lesson in NLP - And For Life in General
The story that follows illustrates this idea. A woman has been out late for a work meeting she hadn’t wanted to attend in the first place. As she drives closer to her house, she sees her husband’s care in the driveway, and that the house is dark, including the front porch light Unconsciously, the woman’s jaws clench and she tenses all over. Now she is not only tired, but inexplicably grumpy. She enters the cold, dark house and immediately flicks on lights and turns up the heat. She makes a bee line for the garage, not noticing the light above the stove had been left by her husband, or the note he had written that says, “Dinner is made and the dishes are done. It’s ready when you are.” She doesn’t. “Hi,” he says tentatively. “There’s some dinner waiting for you if you’re hungry.” “The company supplied dinner.” “Was it good?” he asks, fidgeting with the wrench in his dirty hands. “No,” she answers, now feeling close to tears. “Oh,” he said, feeling frustrated and at a loss. They look at each other in a kind of stand off — each of them waiting for the other to show them they cared in a way that they could “get.” For each of the players, their complex equivalents for being cared for were not being met by the other, and it triggered old patterns that set each other off to being in less than resourceful states to deal with the situation. For the woman, coming home to a home with at least the front porch light on, and some warmth inside is one way she equates being cared for. When those things weren’t met it triggered feelings of unworthiness that were covered up by anger. For the man, when his efforts to provide his wife with a dinner (and not a mess to clean up) were ignored, he felt not cared for and not acknowledged. This triggered frustration over never seeming to get it right. A useful exercise, whether you are in a relationship or not, is to take the time to figure out for yourself some of your CEqs. The question you want to ask yourself is: “How do I know when I feel ___________ (loved, cared for, powerful, strong, creative, heard, etc.)” Another variation for the question lets you know how you know someone else is being a certain way. That question is: “How do I know when someone is ___________ (listening to me, being gracious, being powerful, being courageous, etc.) Both questions can lead to wonderful insights for how your map of the world is put together, and how maybe your map is different than others. Happy discovering to you! Quote of the Month Summer Special! Life Re-Solutions Happenings! For more information, contact 206-417-4541 or info@karapomeroynlp.com. You can also read the article about family constellations in the February 2007 newsletter at: http://www.karapomeroynlp.com/newsletter_feb2007.htm More Classes at Life Re-Solutions Starting Soon! If you would like to find out more, I invite you to attend one of the upcoming Free NLP Intro evenings: August 20, September 17, September 21. They last from 6:30 to 9pm and are held in north Seattle. For more information on the next NLP Foundations class, or other class offerings at Life Re-Solutions, see: www.life-re-solutions.com. Comments Disclaimer Please feel free to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter with people you know who would be interested in the content. When doing so, please forward it in its entirety, including my contact and copyright information. If any other use is desired, permission in writing from Kara Pomeroy is required. Thank you for spreading the word. Copyright © 2007. Kara Pomeroy NLP. All rights reserved.
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